My 13 year old got to drive my car today.

When I was 13, I was labelled “REBELLIOUS”. I’m changing that and I’m releasing her from that label. Not because it doesn’t describe her, it absolutely does! But I’m adding to it. She was courageous, strong, smart, fierce and steadfast among other things. She was stuck in a situation that really didn’t fit her. Her voice was not heard so she proceeded with actions. These actions, when you are a teenager, are often referred to as rebellious. “Teenage rebellion”, it’s what all parents fear and get frustrated with. Please, if I can stress one thing to parents its to embrace your teens rebellion. Listen to them and as long as they aren’t doing any permeant or serious damage to themselves or others….LET THEM BE!! (FYI piercings are temporary, the holes close up). During the ages or about 11-16 kids are finding their identity. It’s sloppy and emotional, but also VERY important.

So I’ve felt that inner 13 year old aching to come out recently and I’ve got to say, she’s aiStock-1077349166.jpg lot of fun! But today there was some anger she wanted to just feel. So I threw on my Doc Martins I recently bought, got in my car, turned on Metallica and let her just drive. I got to see her pain through the music. This music she was told was Satan’s music. Its like she just wanted me to hear her. So I listened. I found myself singing every lyric to every song on the album Back in Black. (Haven’t listed to Metallica in over 20 years) This music spoke to her then.

I’ve included the lyrics to the parts that spoke to me and what I was feeling in this teenage rebellion.

Metallica – The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
And quickly he’s subdued
Through constant pain disgrace
The young boy learns their rules
With time the child draws in
This whipping boy done wrong
Deprived of all his thoughts
The young man struggles on and on he’s known
A vow unto his own
That never from this day
His will they’ll take away
What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never be
Never see
Won’t see what might have been
What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven
They dedicate their lives
To running all of his
He tries to please them all
This bitter man he is
Throughout his life the same
He’s battled constantly
This fight he cannot win
A tired man they see no longer cares
The old man then prepares
To die regretfully
That old man here is me
I didn’t want to be a fucking Jehovah’s Witness!!! I didn’t want to wear your ugly fucking dresses!! I didn’t want to sit properly and go door to door spreading this bullshit.
I was told to cover up my cleavage, I had to wear conservative dresses and I had to blend in. I could only have certain “approved” friends.’
UHG!!! I wanted to wear Doc Martins, flannel shirts, dark makeup and listen to real music like Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Guns n Roses and Metallica. Screw your Kingdom Melodies! I wanted to be able to pick my friends. FUCK ALL OF YOU!!! That’s what my heart was screaming but my mouth was not allowed to say.
So here is where my simple rebellion took a turn. Truly, all I wanted was to be able to do was express myself through my clothing and music. I wanted some freedom to choose!! I was told NO and that it was bad, that I was bad. So, I shoved it all inside where it festered and caused pain in my chest. No surprise that when I was introduced to a cigarette (at my great grandmas funeral who died of emphysema), when that smoke entered my chest and dulled the pain, I was addicted.
Metallica – Sad But True
Hate (hate)
I’m your hate
I’m your hate when you want love
Pay (pay)
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing’s fair
Hey (hey)
I’m your life
I’m the one who took you there
Hey (hey)
I’m your life
And I no longer care
I’m your dream, make you real
I’m your eyes when you must steal
I’m your pain when you can’t feel
Sad but true
I’m your truth, telling lies
I’m your reasoned alibis
I’m inside open your eyes
I’m you
Sad but true
Now enters the true rebellion! You wont let me make changes to just my clothes and music? I will show you! I embraced smoking like it was my key to freedom. I hid it from my parents because the cigarettes were my friend now and I didn’t want them to take this friend away.
But one day my dad smelled it. He was enraged. He tore through my room looking forevidence. I felt betrayed. I felt vulnerable. I felt alone. I ran away! I ran away for 2 days. (this was before internet and cell phones). I can tell you that between the 3 older boys that helped me out, nothing bad happened to me. I was cared for but I had no money and nowhere to go, so I phoned home. I was defeated…..but all I wanted was to be heard and told that I’m not a bad girl!

Metallica – The God That Failed
Pride you took, pride you feel
Pride that you felt when you’d kneel
Not the word, not the love
Not what you thought from above
It feeds (it feeds), it grows (it grows)
It clouds all that you will know
Deceit, deceive
Decide just what you believe
I see faith in your eyes
Never you hear the discouraging lies
I hear faith in your cries
Broken is the promise, betrayal
The healing hand held back by the deepened nail
Follow the god that failed
Find your peace, find your say
Find the smooth road on your way
Trust you gave, a child to save
Left you cold and him in grave
It feeds (it feeds), it grows (it grows)
It clouds all that you will know
Deceit, deceive
Decide just what you believe
She had pain. Pain she felt was caused by (in her mind) god and the religion. So we called religion stupid today. I agreed with her that she didn’t need it. I told her how much I Black Chevy Camaro Super Sportappreciated her rebellion, courageousness, strength, smarts, fierceness and steadfast force. That 13 year old in me has saved my life more than once because she is not afraid to take serious action to remove me from a bad situation, fast! 
So, I will let her drive my car whenever she wants. I will let her get the tattoos and piercings. I will let her speak her mind and express herself. She is me and she is AWESOME!!

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